FF7 vs 9gag? Challenge Accepted
by aichioluv
Summary: Write a new year's story of FF7 crew speaking in 9gag memes? Challenge accepted. Rated T because of one f-word and well… it's 9gag.


**FF7 v.s 9gag: Challenge Accepted**

Hello readers, I would like to start off by saying this is an intended random fic to all FF7 fans who loves 9gag. As such, this story is devoid of awesome writing skills.

… The awkward moment when your readers love your random story more than your other stories.

I'm sorry this came late. I was enjoying my holiday. I've been addicted to 9gag a few months ago, as such I thought of writing this story in tribute to 9gag. If this ever gets featured onto the 9gag website itself… I might get shot down for being stupid I guess? I want to write this nevertheless.

Note: OOC is expected since the aim is to marry 9gag memes to FF7 characters. However, I tried my best!

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><p>As the New Year approaches, the group of AVALANCHE members worked hard in Seventh Heaven, located in the new location of Edge.<p>

Cait Sith smiled as he looked at his comrades whom he had fought alongside when they sought to destroy Sephiroth once and for all. Well, apparently that wasn't the case because two years later, he returned powerful and mighty… and Cloud banished him into the Lifestream again.

The cat looked around him and wondered to himself how he can help. Approaching Tifa, he asked politely for something that he could do to help.

"It's alright, Cait Sith!" Tifa nodded cheerfully. "We have enough help here!"

Cait Sith looked put out but he did not complain. He walked towards a nearby sofa, where Cid, Marlene and Cloud were taping paper streamers (because Marlene loved them).

"%&#* it, why are these papers not cooperating!" Cid cursed as he fiddled the flimsy paper. "Cait Sith, don't just stand there, give us a hand at this %#^*#$ thing!"

"I can't." Cait Sith said sadly. "My hands are not suitable for such a job." He sighed. "I've never said this but I feel like I'm the most useless person in the party. I know you guys feel bad to tell me, but I know. You barely called me to battle!"

"Heh!" Cid gave a short laugh. "Sorry but, it's because you really suck. I mean, you use a %#*$%&$ megaphone!"

"Cid!" Tifa chided. "Don't say things like that!"

"It's alright, Tifa." Cait Sith said. "I know it for myself too." He sighed and stared at its cat claws. "I'm probably the most pathetic character ever."

"Bitch please." Cloud retorted with an emotionless voice. "How about you thinking that you're some big-shot, famous figure in your company's fighting group. Then you go on some quest to save the world to realise that you are merely living someone else's dream?" Cloud threw the paper loops onto the table in surrender. "I'm the unfortunate one!"

"Bitch plz!" A shocking voice behind them spoke. "I'm the unfortunate one here!"

"Sephiroth?" Tifa exclaimed as Cid and Cloud grabbed their weapons. "What are you doing here? Didn't we kill you once and for all?"

The ex-villain sat down. "It doesn't matter." Sephiroth deadpanned. "As I was saying, I'm the most unfortunate one here. I grew up thinking that I was someone special. They said that I was an Ancient. Turns out that I'm much further from the truth. My mother is some alien and my father..." Sephiroth trailed off.

Tifa nodded. "I admit, the father part makes Sephiroth's story kinda hard to top. But if you were to ask me…" She stared at a lone man sitting in a neighbouring booth. "Vincent had it really the worst, don't you think?"

Upon hearing someone mention his name, Vincent Valentine looked up and stared at Tifa. "Me?" He pointed to himself. "I thought I was fine. Just that the woman I loved deeply killed my father and instead of forgiving herself and being with me, she ran into the arms of his father…" Here Vincent pointed a finger straight at Sephiroth. "And gave birth to him. Then I hid myself in a coffin for 23 years."

Tifa nodded. "I think no one has any objections that Vincent is probably the most unfortunate person here."

"At least he had fangirls…" Cait Sith muttered.

"Fangirls?" Tifa gave the cat a quizzical look, which Cait Sith denied saying such a 'strange word' and quickly changed the topic.

Yuffie ran to where Vincent is sitting and placed a small hand on Vincent's shoulder. "Well, don't be emo about it-"

"I'm not sad-" Vincent began but was interrupted.

"At least you look young and handsome now." Yuffie grinned and gave him a thumbs-up.

"And you don't sparkle." Cloud added for good measure.

The Wutai Princess placed a glass of scotch on Vincent's table. "Here! Drink a glass and you'll feel better!"

As the former Turk lifted the glass to drink, Yuffie thought schemishly in her head. _That is my super duper whoopa loopa awesome plan tonight! Serve good alcohol to everyone and when they're drunk…_ She punched the air excitedly. _Steal __ALL__ their Materia!_

On the other side of the bar, the front door swung open and Aerith Gainsborough walked in. "Hello everyone!"

"Aerith!" Marlene shouted and ran to hug her.

"Aerith!" Barret dropped an empty box in shock. "Wh- I thought you're dead!"

The flower girl beamed. "Don't you know? We can resurrect ourselves back to the Planet if the need arises." She smiled broadly around her. "And I feel the need to return and celebrate the New Year with everyone!"

"AERITH!" Barret spread his hands in exasperation. "Y U NO RESURRECT YOURSELF EARLIER?" He asked. "Then we wouldn't need to work our damn asses to fight Sephiroth!" He looked around. "If you're here… then does that mean that we might see…?"

"Happy New Year's Eve, everyone!" Zack Fair walked into the bar brightly. "Gosh it's totally raining out there!" He flicked his wet hair. "Anyway, there were a few monsters out there. Used my umbrella to fight monsters…" He gave a fist pump. "Totally kicked their ass!"

"Oh, it's you, Zack!" Tifa smiled and walked over. "It's such a pleasure to see you and Aerith here again!"

Zack scratched his head shyly. "Anyway, what's with Tseng?" Zack jerked a thumb at the door. "He's waiting outside… for?"

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><p>In the rain, Tseng carried an umbrella. His countenance was that that we all remembered and loved: emotionless. However, his actions carried a hint of concern for the whereabouts of the only female Turk… Elena.<p>

As Elena appeared from the corner, Tseng's eyes widened at Elena's getup.

"Sorry I'm late!" Elena said hastily. It was obvious that she wore new clothes but her face… Tseng has always seen Elena bare-faced and expected nothing more. For the first time, Tseng saw Elena with makeup… and she looked stunningly different with makeup.

In his heart, Tseng marvelled at the wonders of cosmetics and how it can change what seemingly was a normal colleague. _WHAT KIND OF SORCERY IS THIS? _He pondered.

"Let's just go in." Tseng replied. He turned towards the door but Elena stopped him.

"Do I… look okay?" Elena asked shyly.

The Wutaian paused for a moment, pulled a sturgeon face and nodded, clearly indicating 'Not bad'.

Elena smiled. "Thank you sir." Deep inside, she screamed. _AAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWW YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAA! _Not that Tseng needed to know.

When they opened the door, the party was kicking into gear. At the bartender corner, he saw his former boss sitting by a booth. After many years of being cured from Geostigma, he still needed a wheelchair to move around.

Rufus Shinra was talking to an attractive woman. "So tell me," The woman said coyly as she poured him a drink. "What did you do before Meteor and what are you doing now?"

"I once was a multi-millionaire." Shinra smirked. "But… I took an arrow in the knee. Now I'm just a normal guy trying to survive everyday." Rufus lifted his martini glass. "True story."

"Oh how awful!" The woman cooed sympathetically.

"Probably not a good time to talk to him now." Elena said awkwardly. Tseng nodded and they walked to find Reno and Rude instead.

Reno stood up when he saw them. "Hey Tseng and… Elena?" He grinned. "Looking good, yo?" Elena blushed and muttered her thanks. "We were just saying, Rude and I, that maybe we'll have a drinking competition. See who last till the end?"

"Drinking competition?" Cid cut in from behind. "Ha! Don't regret if I make you drink till you pass out!"

"So what do y'all say?" Reno raised a cheeky eyebrow at them.

"30 mugs of beer." Cid said. "Each. Whoever finishes first or is the last one standing wins."

Reno folded his arms and smirked. "Challenge accepted."

"I'm good with it." Said Barret, now interested and joining in.

The people competing were Reno, Barett, Cid and Rufus. "Alrighty!" Reno lifted his mug. "Men, it has been a pleasure working with you." The rest of the men lifted their mugs up as well. "Tonight!" Reno declared, propping a foot on the table. "We drink to our deaths! Let's chug!"

Without further ado, they started drinking mugs of beer endlessly.

"You don't intend to drink with them, Rude?" Tifa asked as she approached him.

Rude started at her presence. He pushed his sunglasses against his nose and replied. "… … … No."

The raven-haired girl beamed at him. "Looks like we're the only normal people around here." She looked around her bar.

Rude gave a short nod and grunted his agreement. "… … … Do you need help?" He asked. "Take a break."

"That would be lovely!" Tifa smiled cheerfully. "I don't wish to impose on you, since you're a customer, but if you're free, is it okay for you to move the boxes from the counter to the backroom behind?"

"… … Alright." Rude nodded.

"Great! Thank you, Rude!" She grinned and patted him on the shoulder and walked away.

Now alone, Rude raised his right fist in the air triumphantly… till he heard Tifa talk… to Cloud Strife. He turned and saw her chatting happily with her childhood friend and sighed to himself. He knew that his feelings for Tifa will never be realised, though he had always held a small hope for the opportunity that one day, his wait is not in vain.

"Awwww Rude." Reno cooed from the booth, sounding a little tipsy. "I saw what she did there." He grinned.

Elena patted her colleague's shoulder. "I hate to say this but… she totally friendzoned you." She said comfortingly. "Maybe level 1000."

"Ha!..." Rufus grinned, his words slurring from the twelfth mug of beer. "Forever alone!"

"… Shut up." Rude said to them all before walking back to the booth. "Count me in on the drinking." He said determinedly.

"Better start catching up, kid." Cid smirked, looking as normal as he was minutes ago.

"Speaking of forever alone… where's Nanaki?" Barett asked of Tifa as he set his mug down for another one.

"He said that he will not speak to us until we stop the 'Can I haz cheezburger' joke."

Barett chortled. "But that was funny!" He guffawed. "We better finish this drinking competition, before the countdown." He chugged the rest of the beer in the mug.

"Oh!" Aerith cried out as she was looking at her watch. "1 more minute to the new year!" She looked at the people around her. "We've been having so much fun that we forgot the time!"

"It's good to have you back, Aerith." Cait Sith said, smiling. "Even if it's for a few hours… even if it's so that aichioluv can finally finish this fanfic without feeling guilty that she didn't finish it before the New Year…" The cat trailed off as he noticed everyone staring at him. "I mean, we better start counting down!" He exclaimed. "Ten!"

"Nine!" Aerith and Zack shouted together.

"Eight!" Marlene exclaimed.

"Seven!" Sephiroth smirked.

"Six!" Elena grinned.

"Five!" Yuffie and Vincent said together. They stared at each other awkwardly at the coincidence, and Yuffie quickly turned away so that Vincent couldn't see her blushing.

"Four…" The drunk men at the booth chorused groggily.

"Three." Tseng folded his arms and shook his head at them.

"Two!" Cloud grinned, taking Tifa's hand suddenly.

Tifa blushed at his actions and though her voice was overwhelmed by the others, Cloud clearly heard her say shyly. "One."

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!" Everyone in Seventh Heaven chorused and cheered.

"I did it!" Reno said excitedly and jumped onto the booth seat. "First to finish 30 mugs of beer!" He grinned at a very pissed-off Cid and a nonchalant Rude. Rufus Shinra and Barret were knocked out even before they could shout 'Happy New Year'.

"*%$$^%# piece of crap!" Cid complained. "I've half a mug left."

Rude removed his sunglasses. "Mother of God… … … … Get down from the seat, Reno." Rude grumbled, putting his sunglasses back on.

Reno scrambled down his seat and grinned. "What can I say?" He smirked and slung his arm on the sofa back in a triumphant manner. "Fuck yea."

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><p>After much procrastination and self-conflict whether I should even post this rubbish up, I did. (does the Freddie Mercury pose) This is obviously a random fic and I hope I don't produce such standard piece of work anymore. That being said, if I was given more time… perhaps this story might be even good and probably more epic.<p>

I only included 20 9gag memes, including the author's starting and end notes. Except the "Can I Haz Cheezburger" meme, the rest can be found in 9gag somewhere. I hope 9gaggers and FF7 fans like this. If you don't, I don't blame you either.

Please read and review!


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